Here's how it went (more or less):
They ring me up and claim that my computer has been flooding them with error messages and my installed programs are corrupt.
I humour him and ask "when was the last message received?" to which he replies "this morning".
Then I point out that not only was my computer OFF but my modem was unplugged (it gets turned off when I don’t use it, no point in wasting power). Then he tells me that it doesn’t make a difference that my computer isn’t ON or connected (I swear, he actually told me this!), so apparently not only does my computer have ESP but it can work without consuming any energy (if I can figure out how it does this I'm sure there's a Nobel prize in it for me
Things kinda devolved after that point, with him trying to convince me that my computer can send warning messages to a company I never heard of, while it's offline and unplugged, and me calling him an idiot (more colourfull words may have been used, some expletives too
Things hit a new low when he tells me that unless I "fix" my machine by following his "instructions" they will carry on calling me. I point out that what he just said is essentially blackmail, tell him were to shuve it, and hang up.
Wouldn’t you know it, 5 minutes later someone from the same place call me up again, different name but same BS. I kind of feel sorry for this operator cause he caught the full brunt of my rage without getting to the third line of his script. Very therapeutic I must admit though I'm not exactly proud of the outburst.
10 minutes after that, yet another operator from the same company phones me up with exactly the same crap, word for word.
This time I keep calm and try a new approach, after he finishes his introductory speech I just say "I don’t own a computer, I have one at work but not at home". And he carries on reading his script on how he can help me fix the problem.
I tell him again that I don’t have a computer so it's going to be rather hard for him to help me.
And again I'm told that a computer registered to me has been miss-behaving. So I ask "what is the computer ID" and he gives me my phone number... so apparently my cable modem is using my phone line (that takes me back, good old 56K modems
So I just keep up the pretence that I do not own a PC and he eventually gives up, no more phone calls after that.
While I'm happy they stopped calling, these scammers just seem to be getting dummer by the day. Though I suppose that, in the grand scheme of things, that's actually good. Even a non tech savy person would have thought there was something wrong with the statement “your computer doesn’t need to be ON or connected to send an error message to a complete stranger through a phone line it can't use”